When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.
-Winston Churchill
It’s Wednesday. As of 0800, Jar is officially on active duty (though he still may be able to come home at night until this weekend).
I am ready for him to leave.
Though saying that sounds absolutely crazy to me, it’s true in a way. I want to get this started and get out of this emotional pinwheel I’ve been on for what seems like forever. All this anxiety about him leaving, all the worry about how horrible it will be with him gone and to actually have to say goodbye; it’s probably worse than him actually going. I am psyching myself up for the awfulness, getting all worked up for nothing, and am sick of being sick over it!
It is also ironic that, as I sit writing how ready I am for him to leave, I am compulsively looking at my phone to see if he has found out if he will get to come home tonight…
Anyways, I had promised that this blog would not be a gloom and doom pity party, so I’d like to spend the rest of this entry introducing myself and my family. After all, if you are taking the time to read my complaints, you might as well know who I am complaining about!
First off, for now I am choosing to keep this blog semi-anonymous. I’m sure at some point I will mess up and let a name slide, but oh well. I also want to be somewhat vague about Jar’s deployment, just in case there are any wanna-be terrorists reading. May be a little bit paranoid, but you never know who might come across a random, public blog?
Here is what I will say:
Jar is a combat medic in the Army National Guard. When he is not doing Hooah-stuff, he works for a defense contractor. He and I grew up not far from each other, and may have even been on the same little league baseball team, though I can’t find photographic evidence of that. We were what I would call “acquaintances” in high school, and didn’t see each other for a long time after I graduated (yes, I am older than he is and he will not let me forget that, though it is only by six months!). We reconnected via good ol’ Facebook in the spring of 2009, and started dating in June of that year.
When we first began talking over the internet, I was probably 7 months pregnant and in the middle of a divorce. Not exactly what I would call prime girlfriend material. In fact, due to a succession of bad decisions on my part, my life at that time resembled a Jerry Springer episode.
The first time we went out was when my son, whom I will call George, was six weeks old. It wasn’t supposed to be a date, just two old friends meeting up for a drink, and an excuse to get me, as a new mom, out of the house! We ended up going to the glorious Frankfort Expo (known to some as the “Red-neck-spo”). At that point in time I had no intentions of dating anyone and was sure it would be years before any man would touch me with a ten foot pole, so imagine my surprise when I received a call back from him a few days later.
Fast forward two years, and here we are. Like peas and carrots, peanut butter and jelly. We just go together, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. Jar was the first good decision I made in a long time, albeit a somewhat serendipitous one. Our relationship has never been what most consider conventional, but that is what makes it work. It is real, it is open; it encompasses both of our flaws and combines us into something greater overall. I am happy, and because I am happy, I can make my George happy.
So far, we have had a good year. We both got new, better jobs. We bought a house with a huge backyard for George, a man-cave/basement for Jar, and a kitchen that Martha Stewart would approve of. Now I just need to learn to cook and decorate…
Well, that is us in a nutshell. All except for one important player that will soon be a big contributor to this blog. No, Mom and Sister, I am not pregnant, don’t worry! You will see in a few days! Until then, keep us in your thoughts.
No comments:
Post a Comment